An Ode To Coffee: The Ultimate Guide..

Fresh coffee keeps you grounded,
Gives you clarity.
Without my morning coffee hit
I’m depravity.
I need that kick of a caffeine hit
Like Kim Kardashian needs her vanity.

Mmm yeah, I’m sipping sanity,
Thinking savily,
Give me that quadruple ess
Double esspresso rush
Or there’s disparity.

And don’t try and fob me off
With that Kenco’s instant Cremated crap
‘Cos life’s too short for bad taste
So give that the sack.

Talk to me again when you’ve got
Italy’s favourite full bodied taste reactor,
My main man mood relapser,
I’ve got agitated nerve endings,
Lavazza’s my daily relaxer.

‘Cos when i’m sipping,
I breath in a pause,
I need coffee more than a subject
Needs the subordinate clause,
All I want for Christmas
Is a coffee Santa Claus.

When it comes to home-brewing
I’m all about the percolator
A slow burner, easy learner,
No time waster.
They say good things come to those who wait,
So sit back and enjoy the smell
Of this tortoise race.

Saying that if your morning’s gone west,
Then you know where you are with an aeropress.
The best quick pumping action
You will ever get.
10 seconds of instant pleasure,
A timeless treasure, but no mess.

In a shop, I’m a double shot
Extra frothy extra hot
Cappuccino girl myself,
Sometimes even a flat white.
I love that coalesce of ruffled milk
With that coquettish aromatic delight.

But if you’re more of a
Straight up, no messin’
Black guy then that’s also cool,
As long as you’re doing it for the taste preference
And not just trying out at hipster school.

And if your mouth’s opening
To say that you ‘quite like a mocha’,
Then close it, and go home to your Mother kid,
Because chocolate mixed with coffee
Is a school boy shocker.

So if you were taking that girl
On a coffee date then I wouldn’t bother,
‘Cos no one is going to be impressed
With a half-and-half-not-really-that-arsed-would-rather-have-a-toffee-than-coffee-mocha.

If you order my coffee for me
And get it right, that’s respectable,
Strong, and hard-hitting,delectable.
You’re ticking all my boxes boy,
Let’s have a nightcap..

Come and share my Taylor’s of Harrogate
Hot Lava Java, rich, rugged and robust
Love-wrap. Let’s recap.
We’re talking about the coffee yeah?

Or would you rather try my Taylor’s Brasilia?
My lively and lush, number 4
Roast that rushes your senses
Like a physical touch, I hear ya.

I’m alive.
Alert. No longer inert.
Coffee’s done all the ground work,
So let’s get down to the horizontal exerts..

‘Cos I know I’ve said this before,
But coffee’s so grounding
I’m on the floor, I need more
And more, and more
I’m a coffee whore,
Potentially addicted.

If this liquid was a crime
Then I’m convicted.
I’m now all about the rush inflicted.
Like those butterflies you get on a first date,
Coffee – I think you’re my soulmate.


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